I Set No Corner

Last night I visited my Auntie at the intensive care unit of Cavite Medical Center together with my mom and sister. We are not allowed to stay long inside and we can only go in one by one. She wanted to say something but since she wasn’t able to speak due to her respirator, she asked for a pen and paper.

“Giniginaw ako ((translated, “I feel cold.”)),” she wrote.

The nurse took out a blanket and I helped her placing it to my Aunt.

Before I went home I told Mommy Zellie (as I fondly call her) that I will return tonight and that she get well soon. She nodded as I bid goodbye.

Indeed… that was goodbye.

I was a high school scholar for four years. My tuition and other miscellaneous fees were all shouldered by the Barcelisa Scholarship Program. Added bonus: I need not wait on long lines for enrollment. My Tita was an English teacher on that same school Talk about influence.

Mommy Zellie was one of the dreaded English teachers. Maybe it was because of her thin yet tall built, and the glasses that she wears; that the students call her Miss Tapia ((a character played by Mely Tagasa on TVJ’s sitcom entitled “Iskul Bukol”)) behind her back. Mommy was not only known as Miss Tapia look-a-like. She was also known to fight for the things which she believe is right.

She is very supportive to our family. My Mom always learn new cooking recipe from her and dad often receive the older-sister advices from her. Even though she is not that well-off financially, her benevolence doesn’t fail especially on special occasions.

Mommy Zel.. I love you and I’ll pray for you Get well soon.

“Bakit kuntento na ang ibang tao sa kinalalagyan nila?”

I can still remember asking this question a few years back. I told myself that I wanted to be the best in what I am doing. Yung tipong kapag nasa panganib ang mundo at kailangang gumawa ng isang task force e ako ang kukunin nila sa field na kinabibilangan ko.

I have always wanted to make a difference, a legacy in whatever I am doing. An accomplishment that when other people see will cause them to say, “Ah si Ronnie ang may gawa niyan.”

Siguro nga I am an idealistic person and sometimes my ideals tend to eat me. Swallow me alive. Masyado nga yatang mataas ang aking mga pangarap. Mahirap maabot.

I view people similar to crayons. Each have their own distinct colors. Each will have his own time in which the artist will grab him and use him to complete a masterpiece. As of now.. I feel no masterpiece coming. I feel no artist is using me.

Now I am asking the same question again. But not pertaining to other people but addressing it towards myself.

Pakiramdam ko isa akong saranggola. Walang direksyon. Umaayon lang sa gusto ng hangin. Naisin mang pumaimbulog ay hindi maaari dahil sa tali na pumipigil sa kanya. Ayoko ng maging saranggola. Nakakalunod na ang hangin. Oo nga at angat ka sa karamihan ngunit wala namang pinatutunguhan. Dinidiktahan ng batang may hawak ng kabilang dulo ng tali. Nakakapagod. Nakakasawa na sa langit.

Sana magawa kong mapigtal ang tali. Upang magawa kong pumaimbulog ng higit sa nais ng batang paslit at paglaon ay magbagong anyo at maging isang lawin… o agila.. na siyang magtatakda ng bagay para sa kanyang sarili.